How would you rate the quality of your personal relationships?
I remember a while back when I thought I needed to have people in my life because I feared letting them go.
It would make me physically sick to consider moving on from people who were causing me severe emotional distress.
And because of that, I found myself tolerating so much for people, hoping they would see the goodness in me and want to "do right by me."
That never happened.
I kept getting frustrated with them, getting my heart broken, and waiting for something that would never happen.
But you see, I thought I needed to keep hope alive.
And my justification was that we had known each other for so long.
And the thought of starting over scared me...
Greatly, I preferred to tolerate disrespect, disloyalty, rudeness, dishonesty, and a lack of integrity.
And this, in turn, compromised my self-esteem.
I still needed to learn who I was and what I stood for.
And I questioned my judgment all the time.
I constantly judged myself for allowing myself to tolerate such poor behavior from others.
Then I questioned if I even loved myself, because if I did, how could I allow another person to treat me so poorly?
What was it that I didn't like about myself that made it so easy to put my needs last?
Let go of my values
And I was focused on pleasing others and showing even less regard for myself.
You see, I thought I wasn't worth getting the kind of love, attention, and friendship I hoped to get.
I was trying to change people to give me what I thought I needed.
Because deep down, I didn't trust that I could do that for myself.
I didn't know how to give myself the love I wanted.
So I accepted the bare minimum from my relationships.
And felt taken for granted.
And I had no clue how to change that.
I didn't know if I needed to change or if other people needed to change to make it happen for me.
I didn't have a clue how to rate those relationships in my life.
So I valued just having people in my life as the goal standard.
The quality of their involvement in my life didn't matter.
I didn't know how to make it matter.
I felt so unhappy and dissatisfied with how my relationships were turning out.
And I needed something to change.
So I Googled endlessly, trying to find things I could do to change the nature of my relationships.
Then I became overwhelmed by the suggestions I got from Google, YouTube, and friends.
I had no clue how to implement those suggestions in my life.
It felt like I was running in circles in my own head.
My criteria for meaningful relationships were nonexistent.
So I decided that I needed to do something differently.
Because what I was doing was not working.
I was feeling stressed out all the time.
I was always in arguments with someone because of my misplaced expectations.
And it kept causing me more pain.
Until I decided to seek some professional help
Google, YouTube, and my friends helped a bit, but it felt like I needed more.
I needed to know how to transform my relationships to the level that I wanted.
I needed to experience the fulfillment of fulfilling relationships.
I needed to have people in my life who wanted to invest in me as much as I did in them.
I needed to know that I was deserving of those relationships.
I needed to believe that I could get those relationships and build on them.
I needed to know and believe that I was enough and that all I needed were the right people in my life.
I needed to get comfortable letting go of people and energies that were no longer serving me.
I needed to learn to choose myself and be okay with myself.
I needed to learn to love myself first, so I could attract the kind of love I wanted.
So with some professional help
I started to exercise, mindful of the patterns I was noticing in my life.
I started to take inventory of the kinds of relationships I had in my life.
I started to pay attention to how I was treating myself and what I was attracting into my life.
Then I made a conscious decision to change what was no longer serving me.
And let go of all the unfavorable ways I was treating myself.
And that included how I spoke to myself.
And how my thoughts could influence my behavior
And by doing so, I made considerable changes in my life.
Changes that I was more than happy with...
Changes that attracted the right people to me
Changes that gave me the confidence to ask for what I wanted without fear
Changes that allowed me to love myself first and know that I was deserving
Changes that had me requiring only loving relationships.
So if you are like who I used to be,
Know that you have all that it takes to demand the kind of relationship you want.
But it has to start with you.
Ask yourself what you are willing to do to attract the kinds of relationships that bring out the best in you.
What are you willing to let go of to move in that direction?
What decision are you willing to make for yourself and your life?
What kind of person do you want to be for yourself and others?
Once you are able to answer this question honestly,
You will be on your way to attracting the kinds of relationships that best serve you.
Because having people in your life just to have them will no longer be a flex for you.
P.S. Let's work on all the barriers that stop you from experiencing the kind of relationships you desire and deserve.