How to create grace and compassion in your life like a person oozing with self-love

Updated: Aug 19

I have been a therapist for over 12yrs helping people improve the quality of their lives by improving their mental health.


Before I found my calling, I was a lost girl riddled with anxiety, depression, and trauma (which I can name now), but at the time, I had no names to describe what I was feeling. It felt like my world was crashing inside and around me without knowing how to stop it.


I hated that I called myself names all the time when I wouldn’t perform up to my expectations.


I hated that I judged myself harshly. I wondered if other people thought of me as I thought of myself as not deserving, and not worthy. As a result of that, I was in situations with people that made me feel even worse.


I lowered my standards, (well I didn’t have standards) just so people would like me or find me appealing.


I kept hating myself, and my actions, and after a while, I gave up.


This is my life, accept it and die when it’s time, I told myself. I tried talking to my friends about what I was experiencing, the intrusive thoughts that won’t leave my mind, and the flashbacks and panic attacks I was experiencing.


My friends could only hear me out and feel sorry for me. They tried to help but I kept feeling empty inside like something was missing, and over time they got tired of me and my “issues”.


I tried going to the gym thinking that will help me feel better. It did for a while, but when I wasn't in the gym, all I thought about was how terrible I felt about my life.


All I saw was everyone living their lives while I felt stuck in the same space year after year with heartbreaks and emotional torture.


I even watched endless youtube videos on how to stop feeling like I was nobody. Although the tips on youtube were great, I had no clue how to apply those suggestions to my life making me feel like I was fighting a losing battle.


I felt defeated. Until one day...




That day while sitting in my room crying as I did often, I decided to do something about how I was feeling and thought to myself that there must be another way.


Another way to get out of the rut I was feeling, another way to live happily and proudly, another way to feel confident enough to love myself.


So I booked my first therapy session to just see if there was someone, anyone who could help me get out of my misery.


Today I will share with you the 3 SECRETS that got me from feeling miserable about my life to feeling in control and oozing with self-love that most people can’t believe how I got here.


First, I surrendered and admitted to myself that I needed help beyond what my friends, youtube, or gym could do for me. I needed someone who was knowledgeable, compassionate, and passionate about their own life to see me, hear me and understand me. That was important to me because I needed to know that they were living the talk.


That person was my therapist. Although she didn’t solve my problems, she helped me with something invaluable, and that was realizing that I had the power to change my circumstances with the right tools in order to experience the life I was dreaming of.


Secondly, with the knowledge that I was capable of changing my circumstances with the willingness and right support, I committed myself to sessions for 6 months, showed up, and did the work. I was willing to make an investment in myself, trusting that I too matter and was deserving of it all. So I asked questions in therapy, applied the tools I learned, and came back with feedback about how those tools were changing my life or not…


Lastly, I gave myself permission to forgive myself for expecting to be perfect for the outside world while internally feeling like a tornado was rupturing. I forgave myself for being unkind to myself at times when I could have benefited from giving myself grace and compassion.


Most importantly, I forgave myself for not knowing that I had the power to change my circumstances and needed someone to show me the way, and a therapist did that for me.


By forgiving myself for not being perfect, making mistakes, and just being human, I learned to cultivate self-love.


I started being my own best friend and made the commitment to treating myself like I wanted others to treat me. I adopted the notion that it all starts with me. This journey of self-acceptance, self-love, and the willingness to know that I matter too, all became possible when I worked through my depression, anxiety, and trauma and changed my story to the one that best serves me.


And that story continues to serve me well today.


Self-love is a commitment to yourself that you matter despite what you’ve been through and this is only possible when you can forgive yourself for not knowing, and lead with grace and compassion.


Drop a comment and tell me your commitment to give yourself grace and compassion even when you think you aren’t deserving of it…



Come back next week for a discussion on 6 ways to cultivate Grace and Compassion in your life.


Schedule your free 30 minutes consultation with me.



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